Glutter

Just a grrl

Up again. This is something that happens during pregnancy. When one is calm and relaxed, the baby moves a lot. While one is busy with the day, the baby is lulled into sleep as mummy is rocking him or her. I should have known this will happen as today I hardly felt the baby move, which means baby will be awake longer in the middle of the might. To think I feel worried earlier. Pieter laughs as everyday I feel the baby is moving less and I feel worried. But I do know baby has moved less than before. No more wild kicks and turns. I read this is because he or she is getting larger and there is not a lot of space to play in.

I am tired. I would really like to sleep. Tonight is extra tiring as I did not nap. Sometimes I nap. But I was busy with paper work, and so I stayed up through the afternoon. Now I feel slightly hungry, so I might have to make something to eat. Pieter says that I have a whole different second life. He goes to bed and I stay up, I write to my friends, I talk to my mum on skype, I am on the phone to New Zealand, Dubai, Oman, Australia and Messenger friends in HK. I play on the internet, I read, I do things around the house. All the while he sleeps and has no idea. I baked shortbread once early in the pregnancy. He woke up with little biscuits sitting on a cooing rack. He laughed so hard. He found me asleep on the couch as well, as sometimes sleeping somewhere else helps. I had a week or two of great sleep in the bed. Maybe it's time to move to the studio downstairs and sleep on the fold out mattress because it suddenly feels comfortable. Sometimes a hard bed is better, sometimes the soft one is.

Pregnancy makes one's needs and wants skew to whatever it is, it's a little like food cravings except I call it "life style cravings." One day I decided i didn't like body gel anymore, I wanted soap. But I wanted something that was really foamy, but had no scent. I walked around silver lake for a few hours looking for soap. I was shopping, but I kept looking for the "right" soap, until i came across a tomato one. It worked well. I was happy and ever since then I have used soap. Don't ask. It makes no sense, but Pieter and I are so used to strange needs and wants that make no sense we don't even give it a second thought. Sometimes I want oranges, others mellon and chocolate milk, sometimes I am happy and sometimes I am sad. One day I feel like everything is under control, the next, I do not. In fact, let me take that back. Sometimes I feel all those things within hours of each other. I have learned this is normal. I have heard of stories of people yelling at their classmates, crying over hall mark commercials, a woman getting angry at her husband because he did not eat the beans and rice in the "right" order at dinner. Shouting at him in front of everyone in the family. Someone said to me last week that the worse thing for a marriage is getting pregnant and having a baby. Women go a bit nuts during this time, there is a lot of stress, and I am only in the seventh month, I don't even know how I will feel after the labour with the screaming child that only has needs...

I woke up this evening feeling itchy and dirty, like somehow everything feels wrong of my surface. I laid in bed trying to fight the feeling and was tossing and turning so much that I woke him. So I get up instead. It's better, he worked late tonight and has to be back at work really early tomorrow. I can go back to bed in the day even if I don't want to. I want to go to the pool and exercise. In order to have a natural birth they say you should exercise a lot. I try to but I still don't think it's enough. Because the baby takes up so much space, one's stomach and lungs are squished making it hard to eat a lot and breath deeply. Which means one is out of breath, and out of energy a lot quicker. It's a full moon tonight. I wonder if it's making it harder for me to sleep. I have no idea. I don't feel like I am being pulled by the suns and stars, I feel like I am being pulled in ways of dust, swishing at the whims of the wind. I am hungry, I think I shall find something to eat and try to go to bed. Maybe I will write more later. After all these months, I suddenly want to share my thoughts and feelings. For no reason. Just Because...