Glutter

Anthropology

Lately, I have been asked about what I believed in, and if I had any religious views. I always say, "I believe in science. I believe in having experiments that can be recreated to find the truth of the natural world. I believe in gravity. I would like to believe things happen for a reason, or that there is a meant-to-be but I don't."

I am not having a good time right now, a series of really unfortunate things have happened, and in that mist of sadness, I do wonder if religion could possibly give me solace. I wonder if this is time to turn to God, as the pain and circumstance seems so outside of myself, and I am not big enough to deal with. I finally understand that "life is bitterness" as the Chinese says, because sometimes no matter how you try, you cannot control the outcome of what you worked so hard to achieve. Peace of mind does not come, the right decision is not easy, and even if you did your best you can be disappointed because we have no control of others, and we do not have control of nature. We might be able to destroy it, but we cannot stop it from appearing when it does.

So I wonder about god quite often. I wonder about going to Church for more than the music and atmosphere. I wonder that if I just let myself go, I can tell myself "this is what is meant to be," but I know better. I know that it didn't have to turn out this way. If humans had more control, foresight, the ability to think ahead, if they could go beyond their myopic emotion of that moment, how I would feel right now would be different. How my life would have turned out would be different, and what I looked forward to and planned would still be here, so I think maybe I should just allow myself to be anesthetized by the comfort of religion or belief, and let go of what I do believe in, maybe just for this moment, maybe for the rest of my life.

Then I came across this clip where Naturalist Sir David Attenborough discusses his lack of religious belief, how he believes in nature and I remember that's all I believe in too. Maybe that's how people feel when the find god, when the word is spoken, they find relief to be reminded of what they do believe in again when they have lost their way. Watching it, reminded me I am an atheist, I believe in science, and that used to help me through the day. Maybe tomorrow I can look at the sky and mountain and think of the science of how it all came to be, eel awe and wonder and solace simply because it's there, and I live in a time when I can understand them in ways that was not possible before.